Friday, March 23, 2007

Middle of Nowhere

This is how I feel now....
right now, i'm in the middle of nowhere...i don't know what to think and what should I be doing... it is very hard to show that is exactly opposite to what you really feel... there are times that you just want to laugh on it or convince yourself that it's nothing and you just live your life the way you want it to be... but sometimes, it is not easy to face the truth because we don't want to accept it. because the things that you look at are the things that you want to see... sometimes you may feel that you are lost.. you don't know where to start and how to end it... you'll just pretend the whole day telling yourself to enjoy what you are doing when you really are not... do you know that feeling? the feeling that you are left behind by your friends, with no one to run, with no place to go and with no one to tell what you really feel... don't you sometimes feel that you are already tired and want to escape the everyday routine that your life is giving you? don't you sometimes feel that you want to enjoy the whole day because you want to forget something... and after that enjoyment you'll realize, that still, the things that you want to run from still exists... and back to start.. feeling it's okay.. i can do it... i can manage.. i can handle this... but sometimes i just want to run continously, without stopping... there are times that you are telling yourself... you gave your everything, you did your best, but still.. it's not enough... how much more should i give? i'm so tired...don't you sometimes feel that you just want to get out of the city alone, go to some places that you can think... seeing beautiful things, enjoying life without thinking what will happen next..where you just want to relax, sleep, do whatever you want.. but escaping isn't the answer to all of these... but eventhough you knew the answer, still you don't want to do it.. why? i don't even know... it is sometimes that i just want to enter a room.. seeing nothing, hearing nothing, feeling nothing...i can't really understand myself... i don't know if i'm sad..i don't know if i'm happy.. i don't know if i'm enjoying thiskind of life... i really don't know... maybe there is something that i am missing... something that will lead me to understand all of these... something that will take me to the wilderness and to the analysis that there are lot of reasons for me to enjoy my life.. i don't know what that is... i don't know if it is who.. or what.. or when.. or how... i really dont' know.... there are lot of things that i wanna do... i know i can but my mind and body don't want to... sometimes i just want to break all those rules.. i want to do illegal things... i want to take a risk... i want to enter the world of risk addiction... i want something new... i want something exciting... i want something that will awake my consciousness... i want something that will open my eyes to the reality that i am running from... i want to know the answer why i am in the middle of nowhere...

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